So, been thinking for a while about sharing our story of adoption in the hope that it might help other families and because it is such an incredible journey, it feels somehow important to document. Maybe one day it will also be important for our daughter who shall remain anonymous as this is her story too and she may not want to share it. I’ll call her Angel as we called her our ‘angel child’ for the first six months of her time with us, knowing full well that as soon as she felt safe enough, a more fully rounded two-year old would emerge. She was also referred to as an ‘angel child’ by her birth mum and dad who had lost a previous pregnancy and so were very grateful when they fell pregnant with her. Angel is 9 and will be 10 in July. Right now we are what I call ‘in the cut’. We have just come out of our longest spell of equilibrium (about 3 months) and I felt a new baseline of her self-worth had been reached. It probably has but when the wound opens up, it’s incredible how deep it g
We are back ‘in the cut’. I am exhausted. It started with a tough re-entry to school following the holidays because Angel did a silly thing with a friend and rubbed something off the blackboard in her class. The teacher asked who in the class had done it and her friend made her confess at break time. Confessing is anathema to Angel and something she would never do on her own accord and even though I’m sure the teacher was gently correcting, the anger, shame and self-loathing that followed are extreme. I suggest our new anger expelling trick (suggested by the GBB course leaders) of punching through newspaper. This makes an extremely satisfying snap and you can make it harder by adding layers. Angel loves it, ‘More mummy, more!’ There are demands for Simon Says, cartwheels, jumping jacks, handstands, ‘More mummy, more.’ I can see how hard she is trying to dissipate her demons, just keep moving, moving, moving. Eventually I call time. It’s bedtime although it feels she could go on fore