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In The Cut

So, been thinking for a while about sharing our story of adoption in the hope that it might help other families and because it is such an incredible journey, it feels somehow important to document. Maybe one day it will also be important for our daughter who shall remain anonymous as this is her story too and she may not want to share it. I’ll call her Angel as we called her our ‘angel child’ for the first six months of her time with us, knowing full well that as soon as she felt safe enough, a more fully rounded two-year old would emerge. She was also referred to as an ‘angel child’ by her birth mum and dad who had lost a previous pregnancy and so were very grateful when they fell pregnant with her.  Angel is 9 and will be 10 in July. Right now we are what I call ‘in the cut’. We have just come out of our longest spell of equilibrium (about 3 months) and I felt a new baseline of her self-worth had been reached. It probably has but when the wound opens up, it’s incredible how deep ...
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Recent posts

Getting Funding Approved for the New School

I wanted to go back to getting funding approved for the new school once we had the EHCP as I felt it might be useful for other parents. Once the decision rejecting the EHCP was overturned at mediation, I found it hard to figure out next steps. After much chasing my local authority confirmed that the draft EHCP would be ready to view shortly and I would have 15 days to review and make comments. This was at the start of February and they confirmed that the whole process should be completed by 3rd March. However, it transpired that this did not include approving the school setting, only that the EHCP would be approved, which was very confusing as it also stated that the EHCP could not be approved without naming a school.  When I read through the draft EHCP I felt utterly overwhelmed. This was a legally binding document and I felt so much was riding on it that any small slip-up or omission might undermine Angel’s entire future.  I tried contacting the virtual head teacher for my b...
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The Moving Train

  The Moving Train November 2025 The train is moving. I know I booked and boarded it, but somehow now I’m here, it feels a little overwhelming. Am I ready? Is Angel ready? Is hubby ready? Angel’s birth mum has agreed to meet. There have been a lot of stop-starts. She wanted to, Angel wasn't ready. Angel wanted to, she wasn’t in a good place, but now the stars have aligned. The postbox team (the people who look over and send our correspondence on to each other) have been to visit birth mum, and she is keen to proceed. Last year we talked about it, but she said she wasn’t sure if she could handle the rejection if Angel pulled away. I knew that meant she wasn’t ready. To be ready, I felt she needed to be able to put Angel's feelings front and centre, rather than hers. She sent me such a beautiful letter this year, apologising for not being ready last year, telling me I was “an absolute warrior!” for fighting and getting Angel into the new specialist school. She also said: “There ...
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The Trial

  Jan 2025 There has been an incident in school. Angel comes home angry and upset. She took someone's lanyard, a game they all seem to play, snapping off each other’s lanyards because the fasteners are fun to pull. But this time, the girl whose lanyard she’d taken came back with a couple of boys, took Angel’s bag, went through it, and stole her chewing gum. Angel is outraged. “I know I took the lanyard, but it’s a different thing going through my bag and taking my gum!” she rants. She withdraws, angry with me too. I lie on her bed, trying to stay close without pushing. We do horse quizzes, watch funny horse videos on YouTube. I think she appreciates me being there, even if it doesn’t shift her mood. Day two, she’s saying she wants to kill the girl.  Day three, we’re back in her room after school. I am asking questions from an ‘All About Me’ book, searching for a way in. She pulls up a chair, puts her feet on the bed where I am sitting and looks at me defiantly. Every answer c...
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New Beginnings

  The thing about new beginnings is that you don’t always know you’re at one until you’ve already begun. You don’t recognize the exact moment the ground shifts, only that one day you find yourself standing somewhere different, looking back at where you were. I could tell you about the school meeting where I sat, my hands clenched in my lap, willing myself not to cry. About the frustration of teachers who couldn’t remember something as simple as not asking Angel direct questions, about broken promises, unanswered emails, the trying to remain polite, Sorry I know how busy you are….’, when I’m tearing my hair out because Angel is melting down. About the decision to pull Angel from school two days a week to keep her from drowning, and how that made her life manageable again. I could tell you about applying for an EHCP (educational healthcare plan), despite the school’s insistence that we didn’t stand a chance, and how exhausting it was to get the required documents from the school, pol...
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